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Prysmatic Subrealities

Avatar of the Fallen

1/26/06 02:43 pm - *sigh*

Is it better to not talk to someone at all or to have a nonconversation? I mean... when you're not talking, at least you can have unrealistic views of the relationship you're in. Nonconversations however kinda step around the point... and hurt.

1/23/06 12:34 pm - ....



Ironically, more like Wilson be damned. Start running, the rain of fire should be starting any time now.

Be like me:

Bitch and Complain.

Can you say... speechless?


1/20/06 04:35 pm - Yeah.

So I'm really getting to the point where I'm tired of feeling fucked up. Emotionally, physically, whatever. I dunno, I guess I've just gotten to the point where if I feel any more useless and stressed out I'm just going to implode.

Implode. Gone. No more Ashy.

On that note, I'd like to say "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

This was a test of the emergency insanity system. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have heard an explosion, regardless of where you are.

1/17/06 12:28 pm - Sleeeep

I've been sleeping way too much since I got back to school. Man this is really weird and all that. I never sleep this much.

Oh vell. Computer's still down. Irritation. Hopefully the disks come tomorrow so I can spend some time in my room on my computer. There's a coupla video contests I want to enter, blah blah blah, can't do it without my computer.


Oh well. Room is fun. I like my bottom bunk. It's quiet under there. Too quiet. I sleep. x.x

Will write more later, maybe.

1/3/06 07:40 pm

my pet!

This hamster was made by my niece Paige. PLAY WITH IT!

12/31/05 05:18 pm - They View You As the New Messiah

"I won't let them deify you."

OH HELL YEAH, it's been a long two weeks so far. x.x; Yeah, I'm just trying to dodge bullets at this point. I'm very sure that the shit's gonna hit the fan.

I have no phone at my mom's, which is my primary residence. This primary residence is a little mudhole. Oh yeah, my future step-brother... is the biggest idiot in the world. He's about exactly a year older than me and he acts like he's 13. I swear, he's an idiot.

And he refuses to do anything around the house. It pisses me off to no end when I've been working my ass off all day and someone comes home and plops their ass on the couch without so much as a "hey, you need a hand?"

Bleh. That's my problem, I guess. So how is everyone's break going? I hope good, cause I'm gonna need some left over holiday cheer when I get back to campus.

I've had about all the family togetherness I can stand.

12/17/05 09:31 am - Ponderings

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

I'm gonna miss everyone over break. It's gonna be surreal, being back home. I really hope that the surgery ends up not being over Winter Break. Gods, I'm terrified honestly. I've never had surgery before (unless you count emergency oral surgery as it, but I wasn't even put under for that one.)

I guess it's being put under, and then the long recovery that scares me shitless. I'm pretty self-sufficient. I hate having to rely on everyone else. If I end up in a wheelchair for any amount of time... there goes self sufficient. I would even have to move rooms for awhile.


That scares me. I hope I'm at least on crutches before I get back. That would make life a little better. Or maybe I'll just wake up tomorrow and it'll be better, no surgery needed.

... I guess I know what's bothering me about it. The doctors aren't sure that surgery will actually fix anything at this point. In fact, there's beeen cases when it's done more harm than good. I can live with my knee as is, but worse? It's already taken from me all the fun activities I used to do, if it got worse, permentantly...

I don't want to be on high dosages of pain killers for the rest of forever. Hell, I don't want to be on them at all- I wouldn't let the doctor write me a prescription for them before.

But is taking Ibuprofen every day any better? Not by much.

I am chicken shit, and proud, at this point.

Hope everyone has a good breakk. This might be my last post for awhile.


12/16/05 10:56 pm - Home Sweet Home

So I'm headed back to PA tomorrow morning, if it can really be called home anymore. I'm not sure where home is. It's hard, I guess. The place I've called home for that last five years no longer houses even paltry things, and no one lives there now. Before that, was the apartment at my Gram's... and it's got a renter in it. I'm not even sure where I'm staying when I get home.

I can't bring myself to call my dorm home, honestly. It just doesn't feel like it. I guess I'll deal with homelessness for a few years.

Hell, all things considered, it's the best option.

"And the train it won't stop rolling. No way to slow down."

That about sums up my life right now.

PS: Laura, the room is clean. There is so much fucking room in here!!

12/14/05 09:22 pm - Wanderlust

Intensely don't want to go home. I wanna stay in my dark little cave forever and forever more. Lyndsay can come too.

Turns out she isn't coming home for Winter Break. Things came up. It hurts. I really need to see her. I know things have been keeping us apart, but it still hurts. I haven't seen her since the day of Graduation.

It hurts.

I don't want to go home. I dont' want to deal with my parents not-so-subtle hatred of each other. I don't want to deal with the holidays differently. I don't want it to be December. I want Monday to be the first day of Spring Semester.

It hurts, so much. Maybe if I hide in the woods for a month, no one will find me until time to come back.

I'm a broken little person right now.

12/14/05 08:32 pm - I Don't Need to Hear Your Answer

"Am I still breathing?"

It makes me wonder sometimes. It's been a stressful week. Chelsea and I aren't getting along. I dunno if it's just that she's leaving and we're both stressed, or what, but I'm glad she's going. She's very snippy, and thinks she's always right these days.

Oh well.

Almost done with everything. Tomorrow I merely take a Comp final and eat large amounts of food with Religion and Food. We're having latkas and homemade apple sauce. (I heard something about warm cider, apple pie, and egg nog. YUM!)

After that, we're home free. Tiiiired. Don't wanna study. Probably won't.

Laura's got me addicted to vampire talk. I can't think of much else right now. Lynz is gonna kill me for neglecting Kaedan. x.x;

I'm glad Laura's moving in. I'm pretty sure we'll be able to coexist well enough. She'll be a heavy metal listener, and me a country addict, before this time is up. I'm really not looking forward to break at all. It's gonna be hell being pulled between my parents for a month. I'd rather stay here over break.

Had Morgan been offering contracts, I'd have probably done it.

I kinda wanna just disappear until next semester.
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